You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
