so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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