i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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