he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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