I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
