Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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