are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
