i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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