He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
