my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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