Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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