I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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