Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
