It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
