She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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