He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
