I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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