Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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