You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
