I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
