I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
