You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
