i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
