Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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