1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
