is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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