what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
