Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
