I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
