she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
