Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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