Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
