he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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