Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
