I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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