I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
