OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
