I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
