So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
