shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
