I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
