awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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