Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
