you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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