I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
