Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
