Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
