Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
