a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
