Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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