so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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